Sunday, November 6, 2011

This shit is crazy

We've moved now and started school.  It's nothing like we hoped for, my family feels like it's falling apart, and I want to fall apart.  I feel like i'm held together by some sort of goo, and I wish it would go away and just let me be irresponsible and go back to bed - like I was before.   I hate this, i hate the anxiety, the crying, the fear, the feeling like i'm not good enough in any part of my life.  Just let me go away!  I can't not be good enough if i never get out of bed.  My kids are misserable, my marriage sucks - I can only pretent everything is alright for just so long before reality comes up and bites my ass.

There's no reprive, no break, no time when everything isn't hell and high water. STOP! Just stop it!  Stop fighting, and misbehaving, and being irresponsible.  Stop giving me more to do and more to think about when I havin't finished doing and thinking what you told me to do and think about before! 

I think i'm going to have to quit school.  If I can't find any ballance, then I just don't need to be there.  Ironically, it's the only damned thing I enjoy.  It's not going to keep my kids out of trouble, and it's not going to save my life.  Marshfield clinic denied me for bariatric surgery - just as well, I wasn't happy with them.  I'm going throu Aspirus in Wausau now and I have a ton of things to do to be ready for surgery and be approved, and my family is just spinning out the drama like cable TV! 

Really?  Can't my family even cut me some slack?  Stop it!  I just got up and out.

No comments:

Post a Comment